Then, it started to dawn on me just how much I had lost. I only ever got to spend time with my great Grandpa for 3 weeks of my life and the rest of my contact with him was by letters. I wrote handwritten letters to him and he emailed me in reply. He reckoned that I wouldn't be able to understand his handwriting if he tried to sending me handwritten ones. He did send me one handwritten one once, but I am not sure where it has disappeared to. He was right about me not understanding it, though. LOL Anyway, I wrote to him about 6 months before he died and I never received a reply back. I waited and waited not realizing that he was really sick and that was why he hadn't replied. I should have continued writing to him despite the fact he wasn't replying to me. Knowing that I could have made his life a little more enjoyable by writing to him.
I knew he was sick, but it hadn't occurred to me just how sick he was. I have asked myself and berated myself for not knowing, for not realizing and for not being bothered or too busy to write to him. I realize how much I have missed out on. I have to ask the Lord to give me the grace not to be bitter that I didn't have the opportunity to grow up with him.
Now I am faced with the loss of my great grandma who has held onto life for all this time. I got to spend 3 months with her when I was 17, and then again when I was 18, so at least I got to know her better than my great Grandpa. I spent a lot of time talking to her, playing piano to her and just sitting with her. She started speaking more and was a lot more alert than she had been. I was so excited to get to know her. I guess when you know someone you realize just how much you will miss that person when they go. I don't know how I am going to cope when she goes. I am still trying to convince myself that it is really true that there is quite the possibility that she won't make it through this weekend.